Introducing...

OK. So I’m on a roll here… but then again my boss is off on sick leave today… hence time for some illicit blogging!

Had a great weekend.
Saturday: Play-date with Z’s classmate and his mother….
By the way, have I introduced the family properly. My daughter, Z, will be 3 soon. She’s in nursery. Delightful, intelligent girl. But then I would say that! She’s really well behaved and easy to please. Favourite colour is red (at the moment) so everything we buy for her… she chooses red. Refuses to wear dresses or skirts. Luckily, her nursery is attached to a school and they have to wear uniform… so she concedes and wears her school skirt. A few months ago she worked out that if she wet herself (potty-training was in full swing) that the teachers would change her into spare joggers / trousers (from the spare clothes basket) rather than the spare skirt in her bag. The spare clothes basket was always closer! So Z always came home in trousers… all smiles. Well, she has sensitive skin and eventually broke out in a rash down her legs… so I went in to talk to the teachers and asked that they only used the clothes in her school bag… on the basis that they are washed in the detergent we use at home that we know she’s not allergic to… real reason is that some parents do not always wash the “spare clothes” that turn up in their child’s school bag and they return to the school… these unlabelled items end up in the spare clothes basket… quite grotty looking stuff (some of it). Of course, parents like me always wash and iron before returning… but some lazy dirty parents out there! So… the teachers started to only let her wear her own clothes… skirts… from her bag. Of course, the wetting incidents stopped after the first day… my clever girl!! So, at weekends. No skirts. No dresses. Only trousers or jeans. No matter what we show her in shops… she agrees it’s pretty but always says “no way, mummy” if I ask if she’ll wear it. Have ignored her a couple of times and bought the stuff anyway… still hanging – unworn – in the wardrobe! So that’s Z in a nutshell. No doubt you’ll hear more at a later date.

Hubby is Q. Lovely guy. Loves romance and all that…. In theory! Never quite translates to real life… I think that generally applies to that species of human.

So back to my weekend… play-date, lovely lunch… evening curled up with Q on the sofa (Z in bed by 7pm!!!) watching a DVD and eating takeaway Chinese.

Sunday: Out all day at friend’s house… big Sunday lunch, children running around and playing nicely (all girls!), very interesting conversation amongst adults about books (Chimamanda Adichie’s “Half of a Yellow Sun” – Excellent read!), sex (when to tell your children about the birds and the bees? How graphic?), politics, babies (new one on the way for my friend), food (of course!), slavery, street crime…. Everything. Entirely lovely day.

Then on the drive home… I asked Q what he thinks… do married couples kiss, long deep kisses, every day, even after all the initial lust and excitement has gone? Or do they revert to perfunctory quick-peck-on-the-lips eventually? He was of the long-kiss persuasion. I was of the quick-peck opinion. I sometimes come up with weird topics like this on long drives home… makes things interesting!

We are at the stage of the relationship (after 7 years) that we alternate between the two. When life is particularly hectic and busy… we fall into the bad habit of quick-peck (exclude bd action in all this discussion – hope you know what bd stands for! – and just assume that long-kiss applies before, during and after bd!). Other times, one of us surprises the other into long-kiss mode and we keep it up for a while. But what is the norm?

So we had quite a playful conversation about it and by the time we were in bed the conversation moved on… we both decided we’d keep up the long-kiss option for 2 months, as a challenge. No short kisses (less than a minute) or quick pecks! Being a man, he then extended the challenge… bd every night for a month. Of course he would go there… He’s a man! Always looking for an opportunity to up the ante. Of course, not to be the one to kill the moment… I agreed. We are pretty normal when it comes to bd (I think!)… a few dry spells when I really can’t be bothered, or bearing a grudge, or would rather watch CSI… he’s up for it any time, any where… he says!

This morning, in the cold light of day… I wondered what I’d let myself in for… so a bit of a weird turn out for the weekend.

Best get back to work…. Nearly home time!!

This was a long lunch... brace yourself!!

I can honestly say that this is the first proper lunch-break, at my desk, that I’ve had since my last post! Can you imagine? Anyway, it’s all good… I love this job! I have so much I’ve wanted to talk about, and comments on other people’s blogs… and now that I FINALLY have the opportunity… can’t think of a thing to say!!!

So…

OK. So we live in a multi cultural society. We are not racists. We are open to all cultures, religions, creeds. So why does life feel so mono-cultural sometimes?
(This question arises from a conversation I had with DH the other day).

We have a 3 year old daughter. Like all modern parents, we want her to be the best she can be, we want her to have the best we can give and have the happiest life that society can offer. OK. So I’ll do all in my power to help her achieve her potential.

BUT what about all this multi-culturalism? What can I teach her about it? How can I ensure she grows up to understand what it really means? I buy children’s books that show black, brown, white people in them. She can recognise Chinese people on the street (rather embarrassingly – “mummy, look Chinese woman!” – was shouted across the road the other day). She understands that people can be different colours but they are all “good people”… there’s only so much about race you can explain to a 3 year old without confusing her. OK. Done that. What next?

So it started me thinking… lead by example, right? So how am I displaying that multi-culturalism works in our society? How am I ensuring that she doesn’t just see herself as a “black” girl and label others according to their colour? We all know, as adults, that “colouring” people in our minds leads to little prejudices developing… white people don’t bath everyday, black people are loud & aggressive, Asians like curry… so silly… but easy for your subconscious mind to believe! So, lead by example…

Then I started examining our life as a black family… white colleagues (for both DH and me), mostly (99.9%) black friends, mostly white people on TV, plethora of colours in our society. There are so many people, like colleagues, who you assume are friends… I worked in an office for 6 years with white colleagues… invited some to my wedding… left the job last year, thinking we were friends and would keep in touch… not seen them since! Odd e-mail and phone call. At first, I was hurt… but when I really think about it… we were never friends! For me, a friend comes to your home. You go to theirs. You call each other at home. You share intimacies and your lives. With those colleagues, it was easy to share intimacies and info about our families… but when I really think back not one of them ever came to our home! I visited one Asian colleague at home once, for afternoon tea on a Saturday... she never returned the visit. My current colleagues… now I know the difference between colleagues and friends… are firmly colleagues. I don’t think we’ll ever be friends. Just pleasant colleagues! That’s fine.

OK. So my mostly black friends. Yes they fulfil all the criteria of friendship. I only really have a few friends that I am really close to… they come to me, I go to them, we spend hours / minutes on the phone. I love them! They are ALL African. I either met them at school, university or through my husband. That’s it. OK, so one of my best friends is a white Portuguese man and married to a white English woman, whom I now consider a friend. Unluckily, they moved to Portugal 3 years ago and we’ve only seen them 2ce since! BUT, when they lived in London (before we all had kids) we saw each other regularly, as a foursome, visited each other at home, went to dinner, the theatre and shared our lives. I like to think that we would still have the same relationship now… more family orientated, now we have 3 kids between us. In the meantime… we have no white friends. None that come to our home. None that we visit. A few from antenatal classes I call once in a blue moon… they don’t count. No Asian friends. No Chinese. No West Indian black… even though my mother’s family is West Indian! (I’m not counting family in all this!!)

As for religion… we are Christian. Most of my friends are Christian. My husband was Muslim when I met him. He converted. He grew up with Muslim friends… so we have some Muslim friends. No Hindus. No Buddhists. No Hare Krishnas. Not even any Atheists!!

So, we are failing on multi-culturalism as an example in the home. We are failing on multi-Faith… we are even failing on multi-coloured!!! My God! How on Earth am I going to achieve my “ideal” of setting this wonderful example for my daughter!! I REALLY WANT TO!

Thinking about it… I don’t just want to do it for her. I now want to do it for myself! I would LOVE to have a range of friends… colours... cultures… religions… how much richer my life would be.

Funny… I believed that we are leading such a multi-cultural life. I believed the hype! How many people are really living this multi-cultural dream?