I can honestly say that this is the first proper lunch-break, at my desk, that I’ve had since my last post! Can you imagine? Anyway, it’s all good… I love this job! I have so much I’ve wanted to talk about, and comments on other people’s blogs… and now that I FINALLY have the opportunity… can’t think of a thing to say!!!
So…
OK. So we live in a multi cultural society. We are not racists. We are open to all cultures, religions, creeds. So why does life feel so mono-cultural sometimes?
(This question arises from a conversation I had with DH the other day).
We have a 3 year old daughter. Like all modern parents, we want her to be the best she can be, we want her to have the best we can give and have the happiest life that society
can offer. OK. So I’ll do all in my power to help her achieve her potential.
BUT what about all this multi-culturalism? What can I teach her about it? How can I ensure she grows up to understand what it really means? I buy children’s books that show black, brown, white people in them. She can recognise Chinese people on the street (rather embarrassingly – “mummy, look Chinese woman!” – was shouted across the road the other day). She understands that people can be different colours but they are all “good people”… there’s only so much about race you can explain to a 3 year old without confusing her. OK. Done that. What next?
So it started me thinking… lead by example, right? So how am I displaying that multi-culturalism works in our society? How am I ensuring that she doesn’t just see herself as a “black” girl and label others according to their colour? We all know, as adults, that “colouring” people in our minds leads to little prejudices developing… white people don’t bath everyday, black people are loud & aggressive, Asians like curry… so silly… but easy for your subconscious mind to believe! So, lead by example…
Then I started examining our life as a black family… white colleagues (for both DH and me), mostly (99.9%) black friends, mostly white people on TV, plethora of colours in our society. There are so many people, like colleagues, who you assume are friends… I worked in an office for 6 years with white colleagues… invited some to my wedding… left the job last year, thinking we were friends and would keep in touch… not seen them since! Odd e-mail and phone call. At first, I was hurt… but when I really think about it… we were never friends! For me, a friend comes to your home. You go to theirs. You call each other at home. You share intimacies and your lives. With those colleagues, it was easy to share intimacies and info about our families… but when I really think back not one of them ever came to our home! I visited one Asian colleague at home once, for afternoon tea on a Saturday... she never returned the visit. My current colleagues… now I know the difference between colleagues and friends… are firmly colleagues. I don’t think we’ll ever be friends. Just pleasant colleagues! That’s fine.
OK. So my mostly black friends. Yes they fulfil all the criteria of friendship. I only really have a few friends that I am really close to… they come to me, I go to them, we spend hours / minutes on the phone. I love them! They are ALL African. I either met them at school, university or through my husband. That’s it. OK, so one of my best friends is a white Portuguese man and married to a white English woman, whom I now consider a friend. Unluckily, they moved to Portugal 3 years ago and we’ve only seen them 2ce since! BUT, when they lived in London (before we all had kids) we saw each other regularly, as a foursome, visited each other at home, went to dinner, the theatre and shared our lives. I like to think that we would still have the same relationship now… more family orientated, now we have 3 kids between us. In the meantime… we have no white friends. None that come to our home. None that we visit. A few from antenatal classes I call once in a blue moon… they don’t count. No Asian friends. No Chinese. No West Indian black… even though my mother’s family is West Indian! (I’m not counting family in all this!!)
As for religion… we are Christian. Most of my friends are Christian. My husband was Muslim when I met him. He converted. He grew up with Muslim friends… so we have some Muslim friends. No Hindus. No Buddhists. No Hare Krishnas. Not even any Atheists!!
So, we are failing on multi-culturalism as an example in the home. We are failing on multi-Faith… we are even failing on multi-coloured!!! My God! How on Earth am I going to achieve my “ideal” of setting this wonderful example for my daughter!! I REALLY WANT TO!
Thinking about it… I don’t just want to do it for her. I now want to do it for myself! I would LOVE to have a range of friends… colours... cultures… religions… how much richer my life would be.
Funny… I believed that we are leading such a multi-cultural life. I believed the hype! How many people are really living this multi-cultural dream?
So…
OK. So we live in a multi cultural society. We are not racists. We are open to all cultures, religions, creeds. So why does life feel so mono-cultural sometimes?
(This question arises from a conversation I had with DH the other day).
We have a 3 year old daughter. Like all modern parents, we want her to be the best she can be, we want her to have the best we can give and have the happiest life that society
can offer. OK. So I’ll do all in my power to help her achieve her potential.BUT what about all this multi-culturalism? What can I teach her about it? How can I ensure she grows up to understand what it really means? I buy children’s books that show black, brown, white people in them. She can recognise Chinese people on the street (rather embarrassingly – “mummy, look Chinese woman!” – was shouted across the road the other day). She understands that people can be different colours but they are all “good people”… there’s only so much about race you can explain to a 3 year old without confusing her. OK. Done that. What next?
So it started me thinking… lead by example, right? So how am I displaying that multi-culturalism works in our society? How am I ensuring that she doesn’t just see herself as a “black” girl and label others according to their colour? We all know, as adults, that “colouring” people in our minds leads to little prejudices developing… white people don’t bath everyday, black people are loud & aggressive, Asians like curry… so silly… but easy for your subconscious mind to believe! So, lead by example…
Then I started examining our life as a black family… white colleagues (for both DH and me), mostly (99.9%) black friends, mostly white people on TV, plethora of colours in our society. There are so many people, like colleagues, who you assume are friends… I worked in an office for 6 years with white colleagues… invited some to my wedding… left the job last year, thinking we were friends and would keep in touch… not seen them since! Odd e-mail and phone call. At first, I was hurt… but when I really think about it… we were never friends! For me, a friend comes to your home. You go to theirs. You call each other at home. You share intimacies and your lives. With those colleagues, it was easy to share intimacies and info about our families… but when I really think back not one of them ever came to our home! I visited one Asian colleague at home once, for afternoon tea on a Saturday... she never returned the visit. My current colleagues… now I know the difference between colleagues and friends… are firmly colleagues. I don’t think we’ll ever be friends. Just pleasant colleagues! That’s fine.
OK. So my mostly black friends. Yes they fulfil all the criteria of friendship. I only really have a few friends that I am really close to… they come to me, I go to them, we spend hours / minutes on the phone. I love them! They are ALL African. I either met them at school, university or through my husband. That’s it. OK, so one of my best friends is a white Portuguese man and married to a white English woman, whom I now consider a friend. Unluckily, they moved to Portugal 3 years ago and we’ve only seen them 2ce since! BUT, when they lived in London (before we all had kids) we saw each other regularly, as a foursome, visited each other at home, went to dinner, the theatre and shared our lives. I like to think that we would still have the same relationship now… more family orientated, now we have 3 kids between us. In the meantime… we have no white friends. None that come to our home. None that we visit. A few from antenatal classes I call once in a blue moon… they don’t count. No Asian friends. No Chinese. No West Indian black… even though my mother’s family is West Indian! (I’m not counting family in all this!!)
As for religion… we are Christian. Most of my friends are Christian. My husband was Muslim when I met him. He converted. He grew up with Muslim friends… so we have some Muslim friends. No Hindus. No Buddhists. No Hare Krishnas. Not even any Atheists!!
So, we are failing on multi-culturalism as an example in the home. We are failing on multi-Faith… we are even failing on multi-coloured!!! My God! How on Earth am I going to achieve my “ideal” of setting this wonderful example for my daughter!! I REALLY WANT TO!
Thinking about it… I don’t just want to do it for her. I now want to do it for myself! I would LOVE to have a range of friends… colours... cultures… religions… how much richer my life would be.
Funny… I believed that we are leading such a multi-cultural life. I believed the hype! How many people are really living this multi-cultural dream?
3 comments:
Dzzy babe, do you remember a song that goes 'don't push it, don't force it let happen naturally, it shall surely happen..blah blah' I don't remember the words too much only that back in Nigeria we used to giggle about it a lot as we tried to assume what the lyrics really meant. This song was kinda an 80's early 90's song (telling my age here). I use it today because one of my closest friend's is white South African, I also have a very close friend from Trinadad, all three of us met at work, when I was doing Pharmaceutical Sales (full of friendly people) I still am in contact with some of my other work mates black, white and Asian. My church life has made lots of firm friendships. Today we were at a Baptism of a friends daughter, she's White and we've known each other since our kids were toddlers. These wonderful colourful people came into my life and stayed, some haven't (all of different races) but I didn't plan any of it, it just happened. As long as your daughter is in a multi cultural nursery or school she will bring kids of different races home... you may move jobs and meet other people there that are of different races and firm friendships will happen.
Well I have diffinitely gone on a bit, but I hope you catch my drift!
Mmm interesting post. Is it worth changing her view of the world when the world will only ever see her as a black woman? Maybe better to help her deal with the real prejudices and pre-conceptions that exist out there. Everyone sticks to their own.. the Gujratis, the Punjabs, the Irish, Scottish, Liverpudlians... that's just how it works. On every level.
Roz: Thanks for the comment. I am actually not sweating it that much. Life will just take it's natural course...
btw, visited your blog. Beautiful cakes! Good luck to your business!
Omara: I have no intention of changing her view of the world. I just want to ensure that she gets a well rounded view... both the positives and negatives! (I hope / pray)She will see herself as a strong black woman, regardless of how the world sees her... but I just do not believe that everyone should "stick to their own"... isn't that the whole perverse basis of racism??
The world is full of beautiful loving people... maybe we wouldn't have such a debased society if we didn't all "stick to our own" and started to enjoy our diversity a bit more. I may be idealistic... but there's nothing wrong in bringing up a child with a diverse view. Is there?
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